Ironic sexism and misogyny

“Irony is, of course, the last vestige of modern crypto-misogyny: all those lazy stereotypes and hurtful put-downs are definitely a joke, right up until they aren’t, and clearly you need a man to tell you when and if you’re supposed to take sexism seriously.”

 

– Laurie Penny, from this article on the Manic Pixie Dream Girl Trope.

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‘Ugly girl’: The negative messages we send to our daughters

‘Ugly girl’: The negative messages we send to our daughters

Last week, the Everyday Sexism Project received a deeply moving entry from a fifteen-year-old girl.

It might seem shocking to some, but it was just the latest of many hundreds of similar posts we have received from girls in their teens and younger.

She wrote “I’m fifteen and feel like girls my age are under a lot of pressure…I know I am smart, I know I am kind and funny…everybody around me keeps telling me I can be whatever I want to be. I know all this but I just don’t feel that way.”

She continued: “I always feel like if I don’t look a certain way, if boys don’t think I’m ‘sexy’ or ‘hot’ then I’ve failed and it doesn’t even matter if I am a doctor or writer, I’ll still feel like nothing…successful women are only considered a success if they are successful AND hot, and I worry constantly that I won’t be. What if my boobs don’t grow? What if I don’t have the perfect body? What if my hips don’t widen and give me a little waist? If none of that happens I feel like [sic] there’s no point in doing anything because I’ll just be the ‘fat ugly girl’ regardless of whether I do become a doctor or not.”

Her words reveal a keen perception of double standards in a society that tells young women they can have all the same dreams men can, study at any academic institution they wish and aim for any career path they choose, whilst simultaneously inundating them with an onslaught of daily messages that as women they will be judged almost exclusively on the basis of their looks, regardless of success.

She is even aware of this influence, writing: “I wish the people who had real power and control the images and messages we get fed all day actually thought about what they did for once… I know the girls in adverts are airbrushed. I know beauty is on the inside. But I still feel like I’m not good enough.”

 

Click link above to read the entire thing.

Men, Heels and History

A rare sight – men in high heels at a gay pride party in Spain in 2005.

Warning: I rely heavily on the gender binary due to having trouble discussing the topic without doing so.

As I was scrolling through street-syle-themed tumblr sites this morning, I thought, as I always do, how ridiculously painful it must be to wear the heels I see in these style photos, especially since the “street style” theme indicates that these outfits, and the killer shoes that accompany them, are supposed to be semi-casual daywear.

As a person who shops almost exclusively in men’s sections (because I have no tolerance for uncomfortable clothing made for women), I have complicated feelings toward “femme” clothing and heels. While I unabashedly love all things considered traditionally “femme”, I only love them from a distance. I love the idea that you can reshape your entire bone structure with some cleverly applied bronzer, but I would never spend an hour – or however long – doing that in the morning. I love the way those on-trend oval nails look like shiny claws, but I can’t give myself a manicure that would make typing arduous. I love “femme” fashion, but I can’t adopt a style that would make me so uncomfortable. I’m not making a defiant statement about female beauty, by any means, I’m just lazy when it comes to appearances and would rather spend the time it takes to put on make-up watcing “Community” reruns. So, unhappily, I wear frumpy boys’ clothes. I say ‘unhappily’ not because I don’t like wearing clothes that sometimes have “MENSWEAR” on the tag: I say ‘unhappily’ because I too often have to go to the men’s section to find clothes that meet my standards of comfort and practicality.

Every time I think about gendered dress, I get a little upset. Why does female clothing connote beauty but not utility? Why does male clothing connote utiliy and/or status symbolism but not sexual attractiveness? You already know why, so I’m going to answer my question succinctly: gendered fashion reflects patriarchal gender values (re: women and beauty, men and status/wealth or practicality).

I’m tired of this trend. I want cisboys in killer heels and stick-on nails, and cisgirls in killer heels and stick-on nails. I want cisboys with stubble they can’t be bothered to razor off in the morning, and cisgirls with leg hair (gasp!). I want style to be determined not by gender, but by how willing or unwilling a person is to walk in near-stilts in order to look fierce (because people in heels do look fierce). I don’t want “WOMENSWEAR” to code for “here, wear this to look uncomfortable but sexy” and “MENSWEAR” to code for “this will let her/him know how much you’re worth” or “this is a practical oufit for your practical concerns.” Girls shouldn’t have to go to the men’s section to find pants that are not so tight they basically X-ray their legs, and men shouldn’t have to face serious shame for wanting to wear “femme” clothing (we shouldn’t degrade femininity in general).

As I was thinking these things this morning, I remembered this awesome article that I’d read on BBC’s website entitled “Why did men stop wearing high heels?” by William Kremer. It is one of the best articles on clothing (and the historical origins of an accessory) that I have ever read. The author explains how shoes with high heels entered the European style scene (originally, they were worn by men) and how over time the purpose of men’s clothing shifted away from flamboyance and status symbolism toward the bare practicality championed during the Enlightenment. Heels were then left to women, who were seen as, frankly, uneducatable decorative ornaments. I cannot reccomend this piece enough. Read the full thing. Here is a very short excerpt from the end of the article:

The 1960s saw a return of low heeled cowboy boots for men and some dandies strutted their stuff in platform shoes in the 1970s.

But the era of men walking around on their toes seems to be behind us. Could we ever return to an era of guys squeezing their big hairy feet into four-inch, shiny, brightly coloured high heels?

“Absolutely,” says Semmelhack. There is no reason, she believes, why the high heel cannot continue to be ascribed new meanings – although we may have to wait for true gender equality first.

“If it becomes a signifier of actual power, then men will be as willing to wear it as women.” (emphasis added)

Only Women Bleed: Menstruation and Prayer in Islam

wood turtle

This post received an Honourable Mention from the Eighth Annual Brass Crescent Awards.


Like every other, regular day, Eryn went through her morning ritual of slapping my face, poking my nose ring, and pulling down my shirt to stealth nurse her stuffed animals. I saw her shining inquisitive face through half slits, and she laughed delightedly at my groggy voice telling her that mama would start breakfast after I had gone pee-pee.

Falling out of bed to more delighted laughter, I stumbled my way to the bathroom. When I pulled down my pants I could barely believe what was rudely greeting me so early in the morning and I shouted in surprise. Calling from his refuge under the pillow, the Hubby asked if everything was okay. I poked my head out from the bathroom and said, “I got my period.”

For many, this is no big deal — but…

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The Online Hijab Narrative and Policing Women’s Bodies

wood turtle recently wrote this great post on a tired, patriarchal online sport: policing women’s bodies by dictating ‘proper’ and ‘improper’ hijab. I reccommend reading the full piece, entitled “beard memes and the proper hijab narrative.” wood turtle’s post includes several examples of this online trend, so go check it out! I’ve excerpted parts of the post below which get to the heart of the issue:

In this online narrative hijabis receive the message that there is only one type of hijab and only a “true muslimah” wears it. Women who don’t wear the hijab aren’t even factored into the equation. They don’t register on the pious Muslim scale, except to slander and shame women who wear the “wrong” type of hijab.

Who is deciding what constitutes the “right” hijab and a “true Muslim woman?” According to more than one of the infographics, the judgement comes from our fellow “brothers in Islam.” Not scholars. Not women. Not God. It sets a dangerous precedent when men feel they can freely comment on and define women’s bodies. These memes and infographics are shared thousands of times over social media. They’re fun, fresh, snappy cartoons — reinforcing the message that women have no agency to decide what makes a good hijab for them, whether fully covered or not at all.

This proper hijab narrative completely sexualizes the headscarf and standards of modesty — turning fellow Muslims into slut-shamming caricatures responsible for the chastity of men. The additional unfortunate subtext of this trend, is that even when women wear hijab according to the requirements of the Sunnah, they’re still not covered enough. Condemned to hell via a whore/Madonna hijab dichotomy.

It would be so nice if people could practice their ideals of modesty without this guit, shame, and gender inequity baggage showing up on Tumblr and Facebook. To be modest and Muslim “just because.” Because it’s stylish or comfortable or just to create a personal connection to the Divine.

A Note on Patriarchy in the Middle East and Imperialist Feminism

Of course there is misogyny in the Middle East.

Of course there is oppressive patriarchy in the Middle East

…of course there is also patriarchy in America and in Canada, in Britain and in Italy.

Point me to the place with no patriarchy and I’ll be there in five minutes.

But Middle Easterners (a very diverse group who are bunched together under this blanket term) deserve, just like people in the ‘West’ deserve, just like ‘Western’ women deserve, to negotiate notions of gender on their own terms.

How do you expect Middle Eastern women to gradually dismantle oppressive gendered systems, to weed out the patriarchy – as everyone everywhere has to – when we in the ‘West’ often don’t even allow them to have the right to life? When we play video games with real weapons that spell death for them and their children?

It is not our deadly ‘benevolence’ that is admirable, but the fact that women in the ‘Greater Middle East’ are still fighting, and will always fight, and have undying strength, in spite of us.